Finding the
Love of Your Life
by Neil Clark Warren
Book Review by Amy Coffin
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Note to my friends and family. I am reviewing this book strictly for the benefit of  readers. I don't find any conflict in my marriage, so everybody can just calm down. I'm fine. Hubby's fine. Kid's fine. Cats are fine. Got that? Good. Now on to the review.

Finding the Love of Your Life is supposedly a huge self-help bestseller, but I had never heard of it when I stumbled upon a copy. It was originally written in 1992, but still appears to be very popular.

The book is relatively short (my paperback copy is 166 pages) and easy to read. It is subtitled Ten Principles for Choosing the Right Marriage Partner. These principles make up the 10 chapters of the book, and are relatively easy to follow.

I argued with myself for quite a while on whether to reveal Warren's 10 principles in my review. After completing the book, I finally decided to do so. I hope readers of this review will consider these principles and decide if this book is a good purchase or not. What I also decided is that there is much more information in this book besides the principles. Therefore, I can't accuse myself of writing a book report instead of a review.

Principle #1: Eliminate the Seven Most Prevalent Causes of Faulty Mate Selection

This is the most important section in the book, I feel, because Dr. Warren lists a seven point checklist for faulty mate selection. In other words, most of the divorces in this country can be attributed to one or more of the author's listed points.

Honestly, these points seemed like common sense to me. However, others who consistently fail in relationships may benefit from the simplicity of the list.

Principle #2: Develop a Clear Mental Image of Your Ideal Spouse

In this section, Dr. Warren assists readers in creating a realistic image of the ideal mate. This, too, is done in simple terms so there's no chance of you assuming Prince Charming is on his way.

Principle #3: Find a Person to Love Who Is a Lot Like You.

Dr. Warren discusses similarities and differences between partners here. He does have a specific opinion on the "opposites attract" theory, but I'll leave that to the reader to discover.

Another added bonus in this section is Warren's "50 item list of helpful marriage similarities."

Principle #4: Get Yourself Healthy Before You Get Yourself Married

The author is referring to emotional health here. Several key emotional problems are discussed.

Principle #5: Find a Love You Can Feel Deep in Your Heart-and Express It Carefully.

Basically, Warren believes that if two people are sexually involved, their judgement is clouded. The principles of passionate love are described.

Warren does have some interesting points here. (Again, listing them would just make this a book report.) Couples unsure of marriage should receive great benefit from this chapter.

Principle #6: Let Passionate Love Mature Before Your Decide to Marry.

Warren uses a couple of case studies here to describe the stages of emotional love. He also discusses the concept of companionate love.

Principle #7: Master the Art of Intimacy.

Ah ha! It's not that easy. Dr. Warren isn't talking about sex or smoocy-woochy-lovey-talk. Intimacy is a true art, and the author explains exactly how to master the talent.

Principle #8: Learn How to Clear Conflict From the Road of Love.

There are right ways to handle conflict and wrong ways to handle conflict. You can find Warren's five steps to mastering conflict in this section.

Principle #9: Refuse to Proceed Until You Can Genuinely Pledge Your Lifelong Commitment.

This chapter discusses the definition and concept of commitment. Also analyzed is the perception of marital commitment in today's society.

Principle #10: Celebrate Your Marriage With the Full Support of Family and Friends.

Basically, this section just discusses your family's reaction to your marriage partner. It is a very fair chapter, stating that families' judgements can be right or wrong.

If your family has a problem with your selection of a future marriage partner, this chapter will be of benefit in handling the conflict.

After reviewing Warren's 10 Principles, I feel that this book would help a certain group of people. Those who have trouble with relationships, and those who have any doubts about upcoming marriage should definitely read this. Spending a few bucks on this book is a lot easier than buying a divorce down the road.

I, however, didn't feel it was any use to me. Perhaps I am lucky. It's possible I was just blessed with the ability to master these concepts prior to marriage. I don't want to offend anybody, but it was all common sense to me.

On a final point, I need to say that this book will only work for you if you are willing to work for the book. It will take a lot of self-examination and discipline for the principles to be successfully achieved.

Well, that's it. I really tried to offer a vague outline of the book to give you an idea of its contents. My intent was to help you decide if you need to buy this book or not. I hope I have met that goal.

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